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21 December 2009

Magari fosse

Da Scrappleface:

Delegates to the global climate conference in Copenhagen sat in stunned silence today as President Obama solved the global warming crisis with a single 25-minute speech.

"While the challenges we face may seem insoluble," the Nobel laureate said, "the solution is actually quite simple. It's historically reliable. It works every time it's sincerely tried."

"Basically, the problem is that poor nations are broke," Obama explained, "and rich nations don't want to throw their money down a totalitarian rathole, into the hands of tyrants who see this treaty as a gold mine and who have no intention of reducing carbon emissions. Since we need trillions of dollars to fund development of speculative green technologies, the only answer is for the poor nations to get rich fast."

Obama said the broad outlines of his plan included having poor nations "adopt the time-tested Protestant work ethic, free-market capitalism and equal justice under law."

"Once you see your vocation as a calling from God," he said, "you work diligently toward excellence, to bring glory to your creator. If your property rights are guaranteed under law, you work to improve yours, and to acquire more, by serving others. Under my plan, within half a century, the less-developed nations will go from being pathetic dependents to equal trading partners."

While skeptics said the president's plan would put off a solution until the world's coastlands were under water, Obama said, "Free men and women solve problems for profit, for accolades and for inscrutable personal purposes ... but they do solve problems. If, in five decades, there's still a climate crisis, we can all get together, kick in an equal share per capita, and hire someone to fix it."

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